I need a reaffirmation

I've struggled a lot, this week. I'm not sure what put me in a funk; the 1 month stall. The "newness" wearing off. I don't know. I went to yoga last Tuesday, and ended up walking out before it was over. It wasn't our usual instructor, it was someone filling in for her, and I just didn't like her style. I ended up doing intervals on the ellipitcal for about 10 minutes, which was… annoying. The machine would beep at me, and tell me to slow down, my heart rate was too fast; then it would go into "pause" mode because apparently I wasn't moving fast enough. Quite annoying.

anyway, we ended up skipping yoga on Thursday, because "our" instructor was still gone, and we weren't sure who would be teaching the class. I was in a funk on saturday morning, I don't really know why, but I didn't feel like doing anything then, so we didn't go to yoga then. I told Jon on Sunday that I wanted to start going to the gym on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, to do the treadmill or elliptical since I was only really doing stuff on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, even though Tuesday and Thursday will be twice a day. well, it didn't happen on Monday. and today? we didn't go to yoga. and I'm not going to kickboxing.

Its an evil, evil cycle. You don't go. for one reason or another. and then the next time, you don't feel like going, because you didn't go last time. and then on, and on and on and you don't FEEL like going because you DIDN"T GO! I just have to make myself do it. but tomorrow. I don't want kickboxing to be the first thing I do after a week off.

So, I need to do some research. I guess I need to keep a list of food ideas. I'm struggling with breakfast and lunch. Breakfast, I pretty much eat the same. thing. every. day. Which, I guess isn't so bad, but I need more veggies in my diet, and I can see getting them here. I should do more omlette type meals, or something. with lots of veggies. But I'm not an oatmeal eater, and I'll look forward to having pancakes and waffles once we get our grain and start grinding our own flour and doing kefir.

Lunch is..hard. If there isn't something left over from dinner the day before (like when I cook the chicken chili, its lunch and dinner times 3 days) then I struggle to know what to have. I don't want a sandwich, I need more veggies. but when we buy salad stuff, it usually goes bad before we can use it all. I prefer a hot meal (I'm sure that will change come hot weather). I end up just having a smoothie/meal replacement shake. (real fruit, real yogurt, protein powder, etc., nothing "bad")

One of my biggest struggles right now is the balance between self reliance and relying on someone else. I rely on jon for dinner. If I plan it in advance, I can do dinner. but you can't tell me "I don't feel like it today, can you?" and expect to eat anything other than dial-a-pizza. I just can't jump up and figure something out. I hope to overcome that; I hope to have a lot of things different. I'd tell you my pipe dream, but you'd probably laugh at me and/or call me to tell me how completely WRONG I'm doing everything, and I'm never going to succeed with my unrealistic intentions set in place.

Amen.

I clapped like a demented seal at the banana comment.

http://www.fooducate.com/blog/2011/02/12/are-you-drinking-food-industry-kool-aid-hilarious-animation/

What's wrong with this picture?

I had my weekly nutrition meeting last night. The topic of conversation was reading nutrition labels, and we touched briefly on fats.

At the end of class, I asked him a question, based on something he's said to me before. "watch your sugar intake". Okay, what exactly would be a decent sugar intake? We talked back and forth about the subject, because he wanted to give me a "meal limit" and I wanted a "daily intake amount", and he was trying to say that it was better if the amount was split over all of my meals. I asked him "In my dinner of chicken, rice, and green beans, or asparagus, or broccoli, or peas, where exactly am I getting sugar?" Okay, he conceded, there is no sugar in my dinner. So, he agreed to give me a daily number of about 65 grams.

Since I'm mainly getting my sugars from my smoothies, from the fruit in my smoothies, I'll have to do some number checking to make sure all is well in that regard. However, something he said really rubbed me the wrong way.

He was asking me what I typically put in my smoothies. "strawberries, blueberries, half a banana, yogurt, almond or coconut milk, protein powder".

he said "instead of half a banana, because it has a high glycemic index, use sugar-free banana pudding instead".

What? Instead of a whole food, with no ingredients list, that occurs in nature, he wants me to use a chemical-laden, excessively over-proccessed powdered boxed treat? What is wrong with this picture?

I immediately declined, saying I don't put fake sugars in my body. He continued to talk to me for several minutes afterwards, really trying to convince me that a banana in my smoothie is not a good idea. (its half a banana. and Jon and I split the smoothie. so my 1/4 of a banana is way over the line.)

I'm starting to think this is not the place for me.

Today...

I did a lot today! I haven't done anything in over a week, and so today I decide to jump into it with both feet, literally killing myself. We signed up for the gym last Friday, as well as Kungfu, which the kungfu place also offers kickboxing and taichi. I wanted to do zumba on saturday morning (well, no that's a lie. I didn't WANT to do it. I had PLANNED on doing it) because Kathryn wanted to take the class, and they would only let her in if I went with her. But I didn't have a ride. Sunday, we planned on going to yoga, but Jon ended up working on the car all afternoon. Yesterday, Jon and the kids went to their first kungfu class. and had a blast, I'm told. Today, I did yoga this morning (with jon) and then this evening, I had a kickboxing class (and he had a kungfu class). It was rough! It was very hard. it was cardio-intensive. and let me tell you, I HATE CARDIO. so I'm talking like I'm not going to go back. HAHA. I definitely won't be going tomorrow, just because it conflicts with the Kungfu time, and we don't have anything to do with the babies. But, I'm going to go in tomorrow afternoon to try out the taichi, and see how I like that. If it works out, I'll have yoga 4 times a week, and taichi 2 times a week, and kickboxing at least once, maybe twice if we can figure something out with the babies. Sounds good to me!


And I know I havent updated in a while re my weight, but when I joined the Weight loss challenge up at the gym, they took all my measurements, including weight and body fat and when he measured me, he used centimeters instead of inches. So I stopped tracking myself, because I knew it would be tracked elsewhere, and our numbers weren't the same. I should probably still check mine every few weeks, though, even if its not every week. Anyway, I jumped on my scale this morning, and I was down another 3 pounds. So that's a total of about 13 pounds, and I'm only 15 pounds away from my weight from a few years ago, when I was doing aggressive dieting and lost a lot of weight and bought skinny clothes. Still not my goal, but I'll take that for sure! LOL