Week 1

So, its been a week. and a half. and I haven't made good on my promise to myself to keep up with this blog.

In all fairness, its not attached to my "regular" E-mail, so its kind of a pain to log out of my E-mail, log into the gmail account that is attached to this blog, all to make a post.... normally I would work on a post in my E-mail and save to my drafts, but then I wouldn't be able to access it because I would have to log out of my E-mail to get to the blogger page. Oh well, I'll figure something out.

One week in and.... I'm not really doing all that great. I've given in several times and eaten "off course", and of course a mean AF coming to visit doesn't do well for my eating habits. Craving chocolate nonstop for a week will kill anyones resolve. So, I'm just now coming out of that.

and I keep having second thoughts.... I KNOW I can do this. I can cut out the grains and the sugar and lose the weight, it may take me all damn winter/spring, but I can do it. and I'm thinking that when we are "done" we will transition to more traditional foods, with the sprouted/soaked wheat, etc..

but now, i'm having second thoughts about that.... because I'm really struggling. I guess my hearts not in it, because I've done it before, I know i can do it... Maybe I should just suck it up. Maybe I should do more experimenting with almond and coconut flours. Maybe I should start working out like I've been saying, oh, I don't know, my whole life. I don't know, I'm feeling lost. in several aspects of my life right now, actually. Things with school didn't pan out, and I'm sort of feeling like, I don't know this wall between me and the internet world. its strange to say that the internet has all my friends, but its pretty much true. and I'm feeling a withdrawing .... I don't know if its me or everyone else. Usually a good rule, is that if its more than just a few, usually its me with the problem, not them.

I'm really dragging with work... I don't want to do it anymore. its sucking the love and life out of me. My hands hurt, I'd rather do anything else but work right now. and I don't know if I'm going to be able to change jobs now, because of the whole school thing. Guess I need to just suck it up and push on. it pays the rent. and a few other bills. Yes, its not enough to live on, but it sure as hell helps.

Guess I got a lot of sucking up to do. but, I suck at sucking it up.

Okay, I don't want to be a downer... I tend to run people off with my downness. lol.

Happy New Year!!

Wow. I can't believe I haven't posted on my blog in over 8 months. Really, its surprising. I know I have issues with blogging/posting about my failures, but really? The last 8 months? wow.

I am so excited for the new year. I always have been... its almost like my favorite holiday. LOL. Its a new book. a new beginning. Its almost a disappointment to realize the plot hasn't changed, and sometimes it takes a few chapters for the main character to realize she hasn't changed, either, but its still... exciting.

More tomorrow, I just wanted to get this last post of 2011 in... here's my "goals" for this next year...

I want to make (knit, sew, other craft) stuff for christmas presents, starting now. I'm making my list

I want to learn a new craft this year. I'm really drawn towards quilting right now, so that's what I'm going to work on.

I want to have a garden full of good veggies, and I want to utilize those good foods in our cooking (via freezing or canning) so I need to learn canning

I want to get a cow this year, and join the CSA, and grow a garden, and cut out grains and sugars, and have minimal need for the supermarket.

I want to learn the art of soapmaking.

I want to get more and more toxic junk out of my house, and go back to natural cleaners, homemade cleaners.

This is probably silly, but I plan in having a "spa day" for myself. I love having my toenails pretty, and I rarely take the time to "lotion up" after a shower anymore, cause i'm lucky to get completely dry before getting dressed out of a shower lol. So, every sunday, I'm shaving my legs, and lotioning up, and giving myself a pedicure, and a somewhat of a manicure, and fun stuff like that. 

I want to currently go grain/sugar free to bring my body fat down, and get my body into better shape. I will do yoga at least, and would like to be able to do some strength training as well. I don't have a goal weight per se, because i"m going on visual, but I wouldn't mind dropping around 50 pounds.

Afterwards, I would like to focus more on a traditional diet (WAPF)

Not so good a week.

I have no motivation. I think my give a damn is broken. Combined with last weeks' Easter candy fiasco doesn't bode well for me. I'm feeling very blah and bloated. I'm hating my body right now. I think AF may be paying me a visit soon, which really would explain A LOT about my defeatist attitude right now.

Sometimes, its too overwhelming to continue to care. Sometimes, when you learn all that you learn, you wonder just why you care at all. What difference does it make if I'm fighting to buy organic free-range cage free chicken, eggs, grass-fed organic beef, raw milk, organic non-petrol based fertilizer fruits and veggies, when you learn that those "in power" don't really give a shit about you. They won't stop allowing our planet to be ruined by GMO crops, or our food to be tainted with food colors and chemical sweeteners. its depressing. and right now, I've lost my give a damn. I'm sure it will be back next week. maybe.